Just recording this for posterity:
So Debbie, the director of the Raptor Center, called me into the office the other day to have "a serious discussion." She said that she had received a call from the management of the dorms, who had in turn received a complaint about my room. Apparently they had reported that the person living in N103 had been coming home drunk (plausible) at 3 in the morning (hmmmm...), playing his music way too loud (that doesn't sound like...), and running around banging on peoples windows late at night (wait.... what?). I immediately started to laugh, thinking that it was obviously a joke. But then Debbie said very seriously, "How do you respond to these claims?" So I tried my best to put on my serious face and tell her that there is no possible way that could be me. It actually took some convincing her that the person either had the wrong room number, or were completely making the whole thing up. I think what did it was the fact that I am far too boring for people to complain about.